PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?

you know when you got the nachos with the cheese? just the cheese. yeah no diarrhea just the cheese. no no xbox just the cheese. no i don't want to save money by switching to geico. just the cheese. no no nachos. just the goddam cheese. no there isn't anyone else achiles just the goddam cheese. no i don't want to get a free iphone by completing 9 platinum and 9 gold offers. JUST THE CHEESE. by the way is there any way to get a free iphone without completing offers or refering people. JUST THE GODDAM CHEESE (aka iphone)